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June 4th, 2010 |

Author: Gavin

Do you have the courage to evolve?

(Excerpt from my new book “Live Life Aggressively! What Self Help Gurus Should Be Telling You”

“You have to test yourself everyday gentleman. Once you stop testing yourself you get slow and when that happens they kill ya.”—From the movie Young Guns

My favorite books to read are autobiographies and biographies. I also enjoy the Biography channel and watch it often. I love learning about how people evolved over the course of their lives. How they dealt with setbacks, disappointments, and actions they are not proud off. I enjoy the idea that we do not have to settle in life and can evolve and become more. Just because you have done something does not mean you have to keep doing it. You can choose another path. Just because all of your friends hate their jobs and drown their miseries in heavy alcohol consumption every weekend does not mean you have to. They say that life is short; however, if you lead a life of quiet desperation it is anything but short. I think we all owe it to ourselves and anyone that has ever had a positive influence on us to have the courage to follow our bliss. Failing to do so leads to self-destructive resentment and the consequences are often disastrous to not only the individual but to the group.

Making dramatic changes or even seemingly insignificant changes in your life is often difficult. There are many casualties on the road to evolution. Regardless, if you fail to evolve you fail to grow and experience life fully, and what you lose is everything. I hate it when someone responds to the question what is new with “nothing” or “same ole, same ole.” It is such a tragic way to live life. Alternatively I always enjoy talking to people that are constantly growing and making things happen. Their enthusiasm and accomplishments get me excited and I take that excitement back to my life and channel it.

There is no reason why you should not have something new going on all of the time. The clock is ticking and you do not have unlimited time to get everything done. The world is not going to slow down just for you. When it passes you by it is gone and you don’t get a redo.

Let’s cover five reasons why people fail to evolve and then get into some examples of people that had the courage to go in a new direction and grow.

First, many people fail to evolve due to self-destructive addictive personalities. Relying on will power to change is a battle of attrition and you will always lose that battle. Once energy is created it cannot be destroyed only transformed into something else. Thus instead of trying to quit an addiction, it is more effective to accept you have an addictive personality and change the focus. For example, instead of being addicted to junk food with no nutritional value whatsoever become addicted to being fit, strong, and healthy. Trade the high of junk food for the high of feeling great everyday by supercharging your health and vitality.

How about instead of being addicted to complaining about your life and the shortcomings of others you get addicted to helping others? Studies show that we derive the most pleasure from helping other beings. When you occupy your time and energy with productive actions it is no longer a battle of attrition. The focus has changed. Your energy has been re-directed. You’re not spending your energy resisting something; you’re spending it doing something else all together.

In the first Matrix movie (yes the only good one) the character Morpheus tells the reluctant savior of humanity Neo that when he accepts his calling he will no longer have to dodge bullets. Relying on will power is similar to trying to dodge bullets all day long. Eventually one will hit you and derail your plans. It is only a matter of time. However, once you change your focus and find a new path to put all of your energy into, impressive change is possible.

Second, another reason why people fail to evolve is they spend too much time talking about personal traumas and not enough time taking empowering actions. Moreover, many people spend too much time complaining about what I like to call luxury problems failing to realize that they’re lucky that their problems are not more severe. We are not going to waste any time covering how people should get over luxury problems. Instead we shall focus on how to move past real traumas resolutely.

In her excellent book Lifting Depression, Kelly Lambert PhD explains why talk therapy is often ineffective in prevailing over trauma. Lambert states, “Contrary to popular belief, talking about the traumas of your life may not help you to move from depression to mental health. In fact in some cases this approach may impede your natural path to resilience and recovery.” When you talk about personal traumas over and over again you relive the experience each time. While getting things off your chest is important eventually you have to live your life and move on. Constantly talking about the same trauma over and over again makes this unattainable.

Often when you talk about traumas, people feel sorry for you and this attention can easily become a crutch. The attention you get from talking about your traumas to others can make you feel important, now instead of getting over it, reliving the trauma becomes the new misguided focus. Often when you unload your problems on someone else there is an energy exchange. They listen to what you have to say and make you feel better but now they feel drained.

Problem talking addicts tend to be real energy vampires and their narcotic is the attention they get from others. Their problems are what make them feel good and whatever makes you feel good is hard to give up.

Talking to friends and experts about things we have been through can be an important release but at some point it becomes a broken record and eventually you need to take that broken record and throw it out the window like a Frisbee. Get it off your chest, get over it, and move on. Burn the bridges of your past traumas and push forward with full force.

Focusing on empowering proactive actions is an effective way to get over negative experiences. The people that ultimately overcome abuses are the ones that find a way to use their harsh experiences to help others.

Third, people often fail to evolve because their perception of life whether conscious or unconscious is too comfortable. Daniel Coyle in his excellent book The Talent Code quotes psychologist John Bargh to drive this point home, “If we’re in a nice, easy, pleasant environment, we naturally shut off effort. Why work? But if people get the signal that it’s rough, they get motivated now.” I can definitely relate to what Bargh is saying. When I first started my training business I was barley getting by. Making money to pay rent and keep my head above water was on my mind constantly. I worked seven days a week and was never really comfortable. Even when I tried to relax it was always in the back of my head. What was I going to do today to push my business forward? How was I going to make it this month? These were questions that were constantly on my mind. As my business grew and more money came in, just getting by was no longer a motivation. I was getting by just fine and had to focus on other things to keep pushing forward.

When we moved from Los Angeles to Las Vegas the upgrade in lifestyle was tremendous. We moved from a small apartment to a spacious house. Talk about a comfort zone literally! When I am not on the road, I am working from home and it is all too easy to avoid getting things done; if you lack discipline. In addition, my business has been well established for several years and I am fortunate to have a nice income even with the tough economy we are in. This is yet another comfort zone and it is all too easy to just unwind.

While I think down time and relaxation are critical components of life, it is definitely possible to get too much of both. In order to stay out of the comfort zone I take risks every year. No I am not talking about moronic risks such as putting my life savings on a poker chip at the Las Vegas Strip. I am talking about calculated risks such as investing a good chunk of change into new products and projects. I also spend a great deal of time learning about new things to keep my business evolving and relevant. It works and it keeps me sharp and on the edge where I need to be to keep evolving.

Doing the same thing over and over again is a sure fire way to go out of business. Companies that do not evolve die and while the same is not necessarily true for people, I think people’s spirits die when they fail to evolve. Evolving requires taking risks and taking risks is very important to keep life exhilarating.

An interesting side note is that the one positive of our down economy is it has given some people the impetus to pursue careers that they have always wanted to do. Many people are getting laid off and realizing that there really is no security in working for others. Thus, it makes sense to find something that is exciting and have the courage to pursue it. I know several people that have decided to become entrepreneurs after getting laid off and last I checked many of them are doing pretty well. I am not just talking about income either. I am talking about being excited about life, which is an important marker of success that is often overlooked and not taught.

The flipside of comfort zones is it is easy to make the uncomfortable comfortable. All you have to do is gradually lower your standards and accept less and less until you’re unrecognizable. This is how many people get obese. It does not happen overnight, or in a week or month, it happens gradually over several years. The same thing occurs with regards to credit card debt. Just pile up a few expenses here and there over the course of several years and now you have massive credit card debt.

What it comes down to is the best way to lead a gratifying life is to be thankful but also to be dissatisfied. Not dissatisfied like some ingrate that complains all day long about luxury problems, but dissatisfied with your present state of development. The most interesting people I know are the ones that are always evolving due to being discontented. Imagine watching a movie in which there is no change in any of the characters at all? Sounds about as exciting as building an ant farm. The best movies and shows always have strong characters that evolve as the story goes along. The most interesting lives are the same way. If you don’t focus on making evolution occur then you are just repeating the same year over and over again. Just because ten years goes by does not mean that anything meaningful will occur.

Fourth, many people fail to evolve as they don’t value opportunities. They have an attitude of entitlement and when you think the world owes you something you are setting yourself up for serious stagnation. In the Talent Code, author Daniel Coyle details an interesting story that supports this fact.

Coyle writes about a violin program that was put in place in the inner city. One school had great success with it and the other school failed miserably. Both schools had the same demographics and even the same teacher. Why did one school reign supreme over the other? The successful school initiated a lottery program. Only the kids that won the lottery were able to join the program. The other school allowed anyone to join. The kids that had to go through the lottery system were excited they won and treated the opportunity with more value. The kids at the other school did not value the opportunity, as the opportunity was not qualified.

Legendary strongman competitor and top strength coach Mark Philippi uses the qualifying method to help high school kids at his training facility. Mark is a generous guy and wants to help kids who cannot afford his services. What they learn from Mark often makes the difference in earning an athletic scholarship. However, he is not a chump and is not going to waste his time working with lazy ingrates who expect something for nothing. Thus, Mark makes a deal with potential prospects. He offers to train them for free in exchange for work at his training center. The students have to mop the floors, clean the toilets, and do any other job that Mark needs completed at the training center. Not surprisingly, many kids say forget it and walk out the door. However, the ones that are serious jump at the opportunity. To them it is a no brainer. They get free training from one of the best strength coaches in the country and all they have to do is some labor in exchange. These young men and women come ready to work hard and get the most out of Mark’s expertise.

When you do not value an opportunity it is all too easy to miss out tremendously. You only get so many opportunities in this life. Those that evolve are well aware of this and when they are presented with an opportunity they pounce on it and never let go.

Fifth, some of our beliefs often prevent us from evolving. Our beliefs can be similar to material things that we’re overly possessive of. Just as hoarders have an onerous time relinquishing material possessions, many people are hoarders when it comes to their belief systems. Even when the truth slaps them straight in the face, they choose not to see it and take comfort in being unyielding.

Not being open to new ideas reminds me of an old Buddhist story. A man in a small village got word that his son died in battle. He mourned the loss of his son and then eventually moved on with his life. Several years later the son returns home. Apparently he did not die in battle. He knocks on his father’s door but the father refuses to open the door. He is convinced that someone is playing a cruel prank and is attached to the notion that his son is dead. Even when his son is knocking on the door he refuses to be open to the possibility that he is alive.

Many people hear the above story and just roll their eyes. After all who would be that obtuse? They of course miss the entire point of the story, which is to convey that our preconceived beliefs often prevent us from seeing the truth, even when the truth is right in front of us. While being too open-minded makes one a target for exploitation, not being open-minded makes you a self-induced mark for never evolving.

We often define ourselves by what we believe, and to surrender it is to give up our entire being. After all what are we without our dogma? While change is often frightening, a more important question is: What do we miss becoming, by failing to relinquish dogmas that prevent us from growing and enjoying life fully?

Now that I have covered five reasons why people fail to evolve, let us go through two case studies of people that had the courage to evolve, and one that is the master of evolving and staying relevant.

A man that had the courage to change when old dogmas were proven erroneous was the civil rights activist Malcolm X. I studied the life of Malcolm X a great deal when I was in college majoring in religious studies. I was going through some major transformations myself and I found his story fascinating to say the least as he made several serious transformations through out his all too brief life. Recently, I was reminded of Malcolm’s powerful evolutions after reading Jesse Ventura’s American Conspiracies.

As a young man Malcolm X was a criminal that hated being black and wanted desperately to be white. He straightened his hair, only dated white women, and wanted to be wealthy and powerful. His criminal life eventually landed him in prison where he was exposed to the teachings of Elijah Muhammad and the religious cult The Nation of Islam (NOI). The NOI teachings infused with Black pride and Black Nationalism has a profound effect on Malcolm and he surrendered his criminal lifestyle and became a devotee. Malcolm was able to quit drugs, alcohol, smoking, and his criminal ways by changing the focus. His new focus was the NOI and empowering his people through its teachings. Malcolm’s new focus, natural charisma, and hard work ethic allowed him to grow rapidly in the NOI ranks. Eventually he became the right hand man of Elijah Muhammad.

For several years Malcolm espoused the NOI dogma aggressively. He blamed white people for all of the ills and suffering of African-Americans and pushed for a separate state. Over time Malcolm eventually realized that the NOI had strong elements of corruption that stemmed all the way from the top. He tried to rationalize the corruption he came across but eventually he had to look into it further. Not longer thereafter, Malcolm was kicked out of the NOI for making some disparaging remarks about the assassination of President John F Kennedy. Some believe this was just a convenient way to get Malcolm out of the organization before he learned too much. After all he was a highly influential leader and could cause problems for the corrupt members of the organization.

Once out of the NOI, Malcolm spent volumes of time studying traditional Islam and was startled with the incredible discrepancies. For example, unlike the NOI, traditional Islam does not teach that an evil scientist named Yacub made white people. Traditional Islam does not state that any one race is superior to another. The serious discrepancies between the Nation of Islam and traditional Islam became even more apparent to Malcolm after he made a pilgrimage to Mecca in Saudi Arabia. In Mecca, Malcolm met Muslims of all nationalities and races. He had many human rights discussions with Muslims from all over the world and came to the conclusion that no one corners the market on human suffering. It is a global problem that needs to be addressed globally.

Malcolm again had the courage to evolve when the truth slapped him in the face. He could no longer bury his head in the sand and instead went on to embrace traditional Islam and denounce the teachings of Elijah Muhammad and the Nation of Islam. Even when death threats were made against Malcolm and his family he stayed the course. In the book American Conspiracies, Jesse Ventura states that Malcolm had a meeting with Martin Luther King Jr. and that they were planning on collaborating to push civil rights further in the U.S. Tragically both were eventually assassinated before they were able to bring this vision to fruition.

It would have been interesting to see how Malcolm continued to evolve as he got older. While we will never know, there is something we can learn from Malcolm on having the courage to evolve. Just because Malcolm was a criminal as a young man didn’t mean that he had to be a criminal for the rest of his life. Just because he was seduced by anger and racism at one time in his life did not mean he had to be a racist for the rest of his life.

He had the courage to evolve as he went through the craziness of the human condition. Many people remember Malcolm for his anger against white people and assume that was all he was about. Imagine for a second that you are judged for the person you were twenty years ago or when you were a teenager. Would you say that is a fair assessment of who you are now? I think it is safe to say that we have all done things in our lives that we’re not proud of. While we cannot go back in time and make changes we can choose to evolve now and become something better.

Now let us go to the other end of the spectrum and discuss a highly intelligent lady that has done an incredible job staying relevant for almost three decades. I am talking about the one and only Madonna Louise Ciccone otherwise known as the top selling female recording artist Madonna. Madonna became a pop sensation in the early 1980s. However, there were a lot of pop sensations in the 1980s and very few of them, if any, are relevant in 2010 besides Madonna. Whether you like her music or not and personally I don’t, Madonna is clearly a sharp woman that knows how to stay current as the years go by. Her music has evolved over the years and she is not afraid to discuss politics, religion, sex, and spirituality. She could have easily just played it safe and pumped out music with trivial themes year after year. Instead she chose to let her music be an expression of whatever she was going through and people continue to resonate with the authenticity.

Madonna is also an incredible marketer and is not afraid to take risks and plenty of them. When you play it safe and never take risks you will become irrelevant very fast. Madonna is also great at creating controversy to the point that people wonder what she is going to do next. Is she going to go on the Larry King show and talk about the Kabbalah and why her kids have never watched TV? Or is she going to go on the David Letterman show and act like a lunatic? Being unpredictable may be risky for a politician (although it would be refreshing); however for a performer it is an effective way to stay relevant when used advantageously.

Not all of Madonna’s risks of course paid off. For example, some of the movies she starred in were pure disasters such as Shanghai Surprise, Evita, and Swept Away. These terrible movies are the kind of films that have the power to end careers. Regardless, if you study any successful person you will realize they have made far more mistakes than successes. For example the only record that NBA legend Michael Jordan holds is for most total misses! While he is remembered for being a great player that made a lot of shots the reality is he missed a lot more shots than he made. This is very common with very successful people. We tend to fixate on their successes and fail to see that they generally have a lot more failures than successes. The difference between successful people and mediocrity is the successful do not dwell on failures. They learn from their failures and push forward.

Many people fail to realize that you’re not going to hit a homerun every time you’re at bat. In professional baseball you are considered an excellent player if you hit the ball three times out of every ten at bats. This means an excellent player is missing the ball seventy percent of the time! Many people give up too easily due to a few or even one mistake. The key is to make mistakes, learn what went wrong, and evolve forward. You do not get good at anything by not making mistakes. We learn much more from our mistakes then from our successes.

Now if you thought that going from discussing Malcolm X to Madonna was a strange transition you are going to fall out of your chair when you read about who is up next. Forget about other end of the spectrum, it is time to go to another dimension. This one is going to make many of you laugh, as I am laughing right now as I type this. Who am I talking about? Robert Matthew Van Winkle otherwise knows as the rapper Vanilla Ice.

Yes I think it is safe to say that this is the first time in history that Malcolm X, Madonna, and Vanilla Ice have ever been mentioned in the same chapter. You may be thinking that I have lost my mind but bear with me a little bit and see where this is going.

Vanilla Ice was a commercial success in the early 1990s with his signature song “Ice Ice Baby.” This song was the first hip hop song to top the Billboard charts. In addition “Ice Ice Baby” just so happens to be one of top kettlebell instructor Ken Blackburn’s favorite songs. Ken likes to practice his timed kettlebell set work to “Ice Ice Baby” and “Play that funky music.”

Now I remember Vanilla Ice’s music well as I was in high school when he was popular. I was really into the NYC hardcore scene and heavy metal music at the time and could not stand Vanilla Ice’s music. I thought it was the cheesiest stuff around. Vanilla Ice also made what is likely the worst movie in the history of movies Cool as Ice. Talk about taking a risk that back fired like a faulty bazooka!

Soon after his popularity dissipated, Vanilla Ice went into a fit of depression over his career. I cannot say I blame him, as I would be pretty depressed to if I was in the movie Cool as Ice. All joking aside, Vanilla Ice was not proud of the fictitious past that his record label created for him (essentially saying he was a poor white kid from the hood) and the overly commercial music that he was talked into making.

His anger turned inward, and prompted him to attempt to commit suicide. He survived and realized that he needed to make some serious life changes. He had to find a way to make his life more authentic and find an expression outlet that empowered him. He wanted his music to be an accurate representation of how he was feeling rather than some shallow commercial nonsense. With the encouragement of some close friends he decided to shift genres and put out some intense rap-metal music instead of commercial one hit wonders that never stand the test of time.

He went on to make several rap-metal records and while none of them were huge commercial successes the albums represented the kind of music he wanted to make and as a result he developed a loyal following. He played in smaller sized venues all over the country and was much happier with the new direction. I read a few reviews of Vanilla Ice’s rap-metal music. Some of them were pretty favorable while others stated that heavy metal must be about to go into a serious decline if Vanilla Ice is getting involved. No doubt going from cheesy commercial hip-hop to intense rap-metal is not an easy transition. However, it is a pretty daring move to make.

Being a fan of rap-metal bands such as Biohazard and Korn, I was curious to check out some of Vanilla Ice’s rap-metal music. While I was not blown away by what I heard I have to say that some of it was actually pretty good. It is definitely an evolution in the right direction which is always inspiring to see.

I think Robert Matthew Van Winkle deserves some praise for having the courage to evolve. It took a lot of courage given the past he has, to try and go into another genre, especially the metal scene, and try to win people over. I am sure most people were not willing to give him the time of day due to his past avatar. Yet he had the stones to carve his own path regardless and I have a lot of respect for that.

Many people aren’t proud of things they have done in the past but fail to do anything with it. Instead of pushing forward and evolving and becoming better they fall prey to their mistakes and it ends up defining them. Either that or they attempt to rationalize actions and fail to admit they even made mistakes. If you are not even willing to admit to having made mistakes you will never evolve. Being delusional is a sure fire way to stay in neutral indefinitely. Just because you choose not to see a problem does not mean it doesn’t exist.

We all have the power to evolve and reinvent ourselves. We do not have to accept our own self imposed constraints or those that others place on us. We can evolve like Malcolm X, Madonna, and Robert Matthew Van Winkle.

I often hear people say that they’re set in their ways and cannot change. It is not that these people cannot change; it boils down to whether you actually want to evolve. We’re incredibly adept at rationalizing any behavior and belief system we have. Being delusional comes naturally to people and the consequences are often disastrous to say the least. My studies on why people go evil confirmed this all too clearly.

It is all too easy to say we are meant to be poor because our parents were poor. It is convenient to say we are overweight because we have a genetic predisposition to be overweight. It is simple to say that our fears are a way of telling us that we are supposed to stay put and avoid making any meaningful changes. However easy or convenient it is also a painfully boring way to live life.

In many ways I think life is about facing our fears and pushing through anyway. We do not need courage to act; we need to act in order to be courageous. There will never be a perfect time to act or evolve. There will always be ways to justify not challenging ourselves and taking the safer easier path.

Whenever I am depressed, which I am happy to say is not often; it is because I need to make a change that I am ignoring. There is something that I need to face head on that I am failing to do and I find failing to take charge in life is depressing.

When I push through and face challenges head on I am too busy taking action to be depressed. Taking action is immediately empowering and if you have the right target, one that makes you come alive, you can develop the perseverance necessary to push through setbacks and inertia.

I meet people all the time that complain about their lives, and they all have one thing in common: they spend more time complaining about their inadequacies and no time or trivial amounts of time taking action to improve the quality of their lives. When I tell them how I made changes in my life, they retort by saying that change is easy for me and I am special. Trust me I am not special and change has never been easy. It is always hard. It is always a challenge to battle inertia and to let go of beliefs and fears that hold us back. It is not a struggle that ever ends. However, what you become through struggling, overcoming, and evolving is the reward and it is a reward worth pursuing.

Do you have the courage to evolve?

About the Author

ike Mahler is a fitness information provider based in Las Vegas, NV. Mike has been a strength trainer and kettlebell instructor for over seven years and has taught workshops all over the US and overseas. His current focus is on the field of hormone optimization via nutrition, training, and lifestyle. Mike is also working on a book entitled, “Live Life Aggressively! What Self-help Gurus Don’t want you to know which covers how to carry the lessons that you learn from training to other areas of life.

Mike is also a respected writer, known for his honest and fluff-free style, and has written over a hundred articles for publications such as: Muscle & Fitness, Men’s Fitness, Hardcore Muscle Magazine, Planet Muscle, Testosterone Magazine, Ironman Magazine, Ironman Magazine Japan, Industry Magazine, and Exercise Magazine For Men. Mike has also been featured in Muscle & Fitness, UPN News, and CBS News

Mike has done over eighty kettlebell workshops since 2002 across the United States and overseas. Some of the locations where Mike has taught kettlebell seminars include: Washington DC, Los Angeles, Dallas, Boston, New York City, Portland, Oregon, San Jose, Miami and Phoenix.

Mike is well known as one of the leading experts on effective kettlebell training for size, strength, fat loss and conditioning. In addition to his highly in-demand workshops, Mike is the author of three best-selling kettlebell training DVD’s: The Kettlebell Solution for Fat Loss and Mental Toughness, The Kettlebell Solution For Size And Strength and Kettlebell Solutions For Speed And Explosive Strength, as well as two best-selling kettlebell training e-books: The Aggressive Strength Kettlebell Training Manual, The Aggressive Strength Solution for Incredible Kettlebell Training and The Aggressive Strength Solution for Size and Strength.

www.mikemahler.com